Clear a few things up for me World Cup fans. Are Alexi Lawless and Lucy Lawless brother and sister or husband and wife? And, why is that every four years I have to be reminded that Alexi Lalas is living human who says things with his mouth while I hear things with my ears. When the man is on television talking, all I can do is look at him and think about how much I dislike him. And I loved him in '94! Or at least he was the only one who's name I remembered. I dislike him now because he tries to call soccer (football) like (American) football: stats, story lines; he talks like a cogent Stephen A Smith or a tall Bill Simmons. He's stuck in 1994 trying to make soccer relevant to an American audience. It's time to come around Alexi. Everything's changed in 20 years. More Americans watch and love soccer than ever before. Being conversant in the Premier League is a cultural touchpoint, a status symbol. While the NFL was busy trying to cram football down the throats of Europeans, they've been bleeding Americans. And with a deep run (next round, please?) in the World Cup, more Americans will discover the joy of games that aren't interrupted by commercials every 30 seconds. Where it's okay to wake up at 8:30 in the morning and have a pint of Guinness at 9. Where people can shout "Nice ball!" or "That was a crackerjack!" and not be pushed down the stairs. That's why I cheer for team America. Well, that and the beer.

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