State Fair Rides


I am not a fan of the State Fair. Last year I went for one night and rode The Zipper, which is a ride with hundreds of moving parts that's safety inspected and operated by 16-year-old carnies. I've never considered myself claustrophobic, but there's no other way to describe my feelings when the guy with several missing teeth and a shirt with a stretched-out neck closed The Zipper's door on me and my friend Nate. During the ride your birdcage-style stand-up enclosure spins you head over heels while going up and down on the arm of a spinning pinwheel. You spin 360 degrees on three axes, and the cage I was in was so tight that I had to turn my feet sideways because they were too big to fit facing forward. It got worse when all the change fell out of my pockets and rattled around my head for the remainder of the ride. It was easily the closest I've come to a fiery death.

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