The Local

I was at a local dive bar once and watched as three guys crept towards the door carrying a full pitcher of beer and about a half-dozen pint glasses. One of them popped open the door and the guy with all the beer and glassware ran out and the bouncer shouted, "Hey! Stop!" They did not abide. They took off through the door at the top speed a human can run while carrying a full pitcher of beer. The bouncer gave chase only as far as the door, then threw up his hands and, "Ah, they're going to get away anyway." I'm sure that the guys who stole the pitcher and glasses were pretty happy at first, but I bet their plan backfired in the long run. If you live close enough to a bar to be able to steal a full pitcher and take it home, you don't want to make it a bar you can never go back to again.

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