Drug Testing is the Only True Egalitarianism

I took a drug test years ago (for a job, not court ordered) and asked the lady who gave me the cup to pee into whether she had to take a drug test for her job. She said she didn't, but she'd been working there for 18 years so they might require them now. No place on earth is quite as egalitarian as the waiting room in a drug testing facility. It reminded me of the time I donated plasma. At the plasma place they treated everyone like unwelcome employees, which felt odd and misshapen in the hospital-like environment. I understand that donating (selling) plasma is a necessary reality for a lot of people, so I'm just going to point out that selling blood feels a little dehumanizing but at least you get paid for not having any real skills. It also really makes you think about how you're going to spend the $20 they just gave you; in my case it wasn't on orange Tic Tacs at the gas station. Anyway, drug testing. There was something great about seeing all the guys in nice suits treated like criminals, just like all the truck drivers and food service employees also waiting to get drug tested. In the end I passed the test, but I'm pretty sure my new coworkers thought I was less cool for it.

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