The Muscle Shocker Experiment

I can't sleep with that muscle shocker in the house. My friend's mom bought a Walkman-sized machine that's supposed to give you rock-hard abs while you eat popcorn and watch TV. Instead of cranking out Jock Jams that would inspire you to workout, that little machine causes your muscles to jump to attention a few times per second through a series of electrical shocks. You might be able to lie on the couch, but you can't escape the "No Pain, No Gain" ethos. Well, actually, the muscle shocker doesn't produce abs of steel, so I guess you did escape the hackneyed phrase by not getting the "Gain". Regardless, there's no way I'll be able to get a good night's sleep if it's around. If there's a device that better lends itself to practical jokes, I haven't found it. I was dozing on the couch when people were playing with the machine, and it ruined the nap I was supposed to be taking before driving everyone back home. Then again, I could have used it to help me stay awake on the road after everyone else fell asleep.

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