I get weather alerts on my phone even though they're meaningless to me. My house won't flood, my car won't float away, and if a blizzard is coming I'll still be able to buy anything I need. The only reason I keep them on my phone is because I found out that anytime they announce flooding north of us it means the basement in my office building will flood. Well, the whole thing doesn't flood; what happens is the basement bathroom toilet pumps nasty water out onto the floor until the storm subsides. I don't have to use that bathroom, but our superintendent does. So whenever I get a weather alert, my only thought is, "Uh oh, Smitty's going to be on the warpath today. Best to steer clear."