In Other Celeb News

The noise that comes out of the TV during so-called entertainment news is maddening. It's as if all the women I didn't like in high school were put on TV to shout nonsense at me. The only place that I get any celebrity or entertainment news is in the grocery store checkout lane. Scanning headlines with celeb names followed by married/divorced/died/imprisoned gives me the perfect amount of information to stay relevant enough that I can follow pop-culture conversations. This is because there is zero depth to any celebrity news, and scanning a headline gives you all the information you could ever need about someone who you will never meet and who will contribute nothing to humanity.

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